20-22) I Am Not Ashamed

Book(s) Read: New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn

Author: Stephanie Fucking Meyer
Pages: 1,937


Five Feminist Rules to Live By in the Twilight Series:

---If your boyfriend suddenly up and leaves you in the forest one day, the only recourse, obviously, is to try and kill yourself by riding motorcycles and jumping off cliffs until he hears that you're trying to kill yourself and tries to kill himself.

---If you are freezing to death, you can make your vampire boyfriend jealous by asking your werewolf friend to "come and warm me up" in your sleeping bag. Because werewolves are extremely hot and comfortable. Fuck Snuggies. Get me a werewolf.

---Girls don't care about awesome vampire-on-vampire fights that result from tensions that have been simmering for thousands of years. No, girls don't even care if the werewolves and vampires form an ALLIANCE for the fight (heretofore unheard of, as we all know vampires and werewolves are MORTAL ENEMIES.) No, all girls care about is being whiney in a tent and willfully trying to freeze themselves to death while forcing their vampire and werewolf boyfriends to hang out in a tent while they miss all the awesome fighting going on in the woods. Yep---in the Twilight universe, girls are kind of shitty.

---Having babies is very important, even if your baby is quite possibly a gross, dirty monster!

---It is perfectly okay for an 18-year-old werewolf to fall in love with a baby.


---It is not at all terrible or embarrassing to combine your mother's name with your mother-in-law's name and give it to your firstborn. (An aside: According to this Yahoo! Answers entry, many fans of the series are indeed weighing the pros and cons of "Renesmee." My favorite quote from a contributor: "One last suggestion: the name Renesmee is proving not to be very popular with fans, which could add to teasing when your daughter grows up.")

---It is clear that as the literary leviathan known as the Twilight series continues to lurch forward, immortalized in books and films and magazines and makeup and dildoes, teenage girls and their moms will now officially rule a huge chunk of popular culture for probably the next two to five years. I don't know whether to rejoice or flee in the corner to hunch, shuddering with fear and remorse--for vampires, for gender, for literature, for the world---until the trend falls out. But hey. Three more "books" to add to the total. Okay!